More power of retorts

Keeping to the topic of retorts. Let us see more examples. 

A doctor had a mechanic visiting him. Doctor Says “get under the table I will examine you”. He was meaning as Mechanics have to get under the car to examine the cars, he (doctor) would do the same. The mechanic was made of sterner stuff. He smiled and said “Nice one, doctor. But is it nor easy to treat the same model from the time of Adam and Eve. We have to treat different models every year”.

The doctor neatly turned the tables on the Mechanic saying “That’s right but can you examine the car with the engine running? I am sure you can’t do that”. This effectively shut the mechanic up.

This one is attributed to Albert Einstein. I am not sure if it is true. But it is a great story. Albert Einstein was on a tour of England. He was delivering lectures on his theory of relativity. Einstein had the same car and cab driver who took him to various venues.

One day the cab driver said “sir, your lectures are becoming very monotonous. You always start by saying, ladies and gentleman I am Albert Einstein. I want to tell you about my new theory on relativity. You are becoming very predictable. I know your speech by heart. I can play your role very easily”. Einstein said “I agree. It is getting very monotonous. I got an idea. The next place where I am lecturing is a place where no one recognizes me. Why don’t we exchange places? You can play the role of Einstein and I will play the role of the cabbie”.  The cabbie agreed and they exchanged their dresses.

It was the venue of the lecture; Einstein stood at the door of the hall and admiringly watched the cabbie hold the floor very eloquently. The cabbie was in the flow and was lecturing the same way as Einstein. No one in the crowd had an iota of doubt about the identity of the speaker. Such was the power of the acting of the cabbie.

At the end of a lecture an elderly man stood up and said “Mr. Einstein, I should say an excellent lecture. I am wrestling with a complex mathematical problem for the last six months. Will you have a look at it? I am sure you can come out with the answer in a couple of weeks”.

Einstein now was really alarmed. “The show is up” he said to himself. But the cabbie was super smart. He picked up the paper that was given to him and gave it a cursory glance.  “Such a simple problem, my cab driver can solve it” saying this he gestured Einstein to come over. With a flourish he handed over the paper containing the problem to Einstein.

Einstein promptly solved the problem and gave it to the mathematician. The mathematician did not know what hit him. A problem that puzzled him for six months has been solved by Einstein’s driver!

More Management concepts

Hiding their head in the sand, like an ostrich:  When someone says “hiding their head in the sand, like an ostrich” what it means is that they are foolishly ignoring their problem, hoping it will magically vanish. The ostrich does many things, but hiding its head in the sand is not one of them. But this saying has become very popular.

The explanation is that when a danger is approaching the ostrich simply buries its head in the sand. It is as if the Ostrich is saying "as I have buried my head I can’t see the problem, the problem too can’t see me”. Take it with a pinch of salt but it should be remembered that problems should be faced head on and one should not run away from them.

Paper pushers: according to the definition a paper pusher is an office worker who works in an office and deals with forms and reports all day. One whose work is dull and without meaning. And some workers simply move all that paper from one place to another, pushing the paper from desktop to drawer and back again. Interestingly it means a person who busily rushes from one place to another in an organization carrying a paper. He appears to be very busy but hardly does any work.

Dry Promotion: Rise in status of a person but not pay.  A promotion that provides greater status or responsibility but does not involve an increase in pay. One way of satisfying a person is to offer a dry promotion. The person who gets is immediately happy but receives no financial incentives.

TV dinner:  A TV dinner (also called a frozen dinner, freezer meal, microwave meal, or ready meal) is a prepackaged frozen or chilled meal which usually comes in an individual package. It requires very little preparation and contains all the elements for a single-serving meal.

The term TV dinner is a trademark originally used for a brand of packaged meal developed in 1953 for C.A. Swanson & Sons. (The name in full was TV Brand Frozen Dinner.) In the United States, the term is now synonymous with any prepackaged dinner purchased frozen in a supermarket and heated at home, although Swanson stopped using the name "TV Dinner" in 1962.

The original TV dinner came in an aluminum tray and was heated in an oven. Most frozen food trays are now made of microwaveable material, usually plastic. TV dinner is a lazy person’s dream come true. He can simply come home and heat up a dinner. By the time he changes his clothes the dinner is ready. The name TV dinner has been coined to effectively remind how fast the meal can be prepared. The meal can be made hot and piping before the commercial breaks are finished.

Best New paper Headlines and slogans

Best New paper Headlines and slogans: In a news paper everything is a premium. Each column centimeter cost money. That is why the news has to be clear and crisp. The headline plays a very important role in creating interest in the news story.

Chek or Cash: It was the Wimbledon men’s singles finals of 1987. The Indian Express came out screaming “Chek or Cash”. It was a very clever way of saying decides between Ivan Lendl from Chezlovakia or Pat Cash of Australia. Even though I read this headline 24 years ago it is still etched in my mind.

Delhi or gulli: The Indian politics are dominated by slogans and nice catch phrases. This is not surprising as most of the Indian population is not educated and they have to enticed with sloganeering. Sample these. KCR the supremo of TRS came out with these – Delhi or Gulli. The Decision to grant statehood for Telengana rests with Delhi. He was saying the matter will be decided in Delhi or it will be a street fight. Gulli in Urdu means Street.

State fight and not a street fight: Next day KCR bettered himself. He said it is not a street fight rather it is a state fight. Kudos for the politicians for entertaining the people.

India is Indira and Indira is India: Similarly a fan of Indira Gandhi came out with a slogan. He said "India is Indira and Indira is India”. Not to be outdone Indira Gandhi coined a slogan “Garibe Hatov” (meaning remove poverty).

Haath ko haath dev, cycle ko vote dev: It was a state election and Telugu Desam was fighting its Bête Noir the Congress. The Telugu Desam came out with a slogan “Haath ko haath dev, cycle ko vote dev”. In Hindi it means give hand to hand and give your vote to cycle. Giving hand in Hindi means deceiving somebody after promising a certain thing.

Iron lady overcomes labour pains: It is not surprising some of the most memorable headlines are related to politics. Margaret Thatcher dubbed the Iron Lady by British Press had won a hard fight in the elections. One of the news papers came out with the headline “Iron lady overcomes labour pains”.  The copy writer was punning on the fact that the main opposition in that election was the labour party.

My Foot: The cartoon in the same newspaper was even more hilarious. It showed an Iron Lady and a man groveling at her feet. The bubble had Margaret Thatcher saying “My Foot”. The Opposition leader in that election was a man named Michael Foot.

America under attack: When September 11 attacks took place most of the newspapers came out with very interesting headlines. The one that caught the eye was “America under Attack”  

Andhra girls beaten: But care should be taken that the headlines are written properly or otherwise they can create wrong communication. One of the teasers in Deccan Chronicle said “Andhra Girls beaten, details in page 16”. The alarmed readers who turned to page 16 had the surprise of their life. The news story was that Andhra Girls were beaten by Maharashtra in the game of Kho-Kho.

Hum Unko Unki Naani yaad diladenge: In one of his fiery speeches Late Rajiv Gandhi had said “Hum Unko Unki Naani yaad diladenge”. In Hindi It means “we will make them remember their grandmother”. It is a very racy way of saying that they will get a lesson that they will not forget for a long time.

At last a national alternative to Amitabh Bachchan: The next day I think it was the Times of India who came out with a memorable cartoon. The cartoon depicted Rajiv Gandhi on a wall gesticulating. And a common man is watching Rajiv Gandhi on the wall. The bubble had the caption “At last a national alternative to Amitabh Bachchan”.

The Power of a retort - Winston Churchill

Elmer Wheeler once said “words are like bullets once fired they can’t be retrieved”. Many times someone could make a comment or a snide remark that would make others laugh at us. How do we turn the tables on the other person and make him look like a bigger fool?  That is the power of a retort. Let’s see some examples. 

Winston Churchill – the Prime minister of England was a short and fat man. But his word was razor sharp. Once Churchill and his friend were walking on the sidewalk. They reached a spot where only one person could pass. Trying to hurry, Churchill's friend said “I do not allow fools to pass me” To which Churchill responded saying “I do” and gave way to his friend.

A friend of Churchill had a build exactly opposite to that of Churchill. He was thin and very tall. Seeing his scrawny frame Churchill remarked “My friend, you are so lean. Looking at you any one would think that England is facing a famine!”  Looking at more than generously endowed Churchill his friend remarked “looking at you that person will know why England is facing a famine”. For once Churchill was speech less.

There was a lady politician who opposed Churchill tooth and claw. Once at an end of an animated argument she said “Mr. Churchill I neither like your politics nor your lip”. The entire parliament roared in laughter. Churchill responded “Let me assure you madam neither of them will bother you in any way. Now or ever”.

The same lady once exasperated with Churchill burst out saying “Mr. Churchill. If you were my husband I would poison your coffee”. “Madam if you were my wife, knowing that there is poison in the coffee, I would drink it” was the ready repartee that Churchill gave.

Churchill was giving a roaring speech. But unfortunately it was in an area where his party was not very much liked. He was being bothered by a heckler. Irritated by the antics of the heckler, Churchill shouted “You are fit for the slums”. The heckler stood up and said “Mr. Prime minister you can’t say that. Take it back”. Churchill said “You are right. I take back my words. You are not even fit for the slums’. The heckler watched with his mouth open as the tables were deftly turned on him.

Once when he was giving a speech a cabbage came whistling towards Churchill. He adroitly dodged it and said “It looks as if the opposition leader has just lost his head”. Churchill once very famously said “You can bear a manly man, you can bear womanly women but you can’t bear a boily boy”.

 

A friend of the first President of USA George Washington saw the president polishing his own shoes. Shocked by the sight the friend asked “Mr. President do you polish your own shoes?” To which Washington responded by saying “Yes I do polish my own shoes, whose shoes do you polish?”

Business Sense – George Washington and the Shoe lace boy

The first president of USA George Washington was a very kind man. Near his office he used to see a very young boy selling shoe laces at 25 cents. Taking pity on the young man he started giving the boy 25 cents but never picked up  the shoe laces.

This went on for a very long time. One day after depositing the customary 25 cents the president started walking away. A voice stopped him in his tracks. It was the young boy. They boy said “Mr. President, I hate to tell you but the cost of the shoe laces have gone up by 25 cents. From today onwards the shoe laces will cost you 50 cents”. George Washington was too stunned to say anything.

Moral of the story: You pay the value for an exchange. It is up to you to pick up the product or utilize the service. Just because you are not utilizing the product or the service does not mean that you can pay a part of the price. Whether you use it or not full price has to be paid.