The Great Pretenders: Hilarious Heists in the Land of Knockoffs. - Counterfeit products!!

We all love brands, and brands are extensions of our personalities. The following anecdote illustrates the importance of brands in our lives. An NRI who just returned to India was travelling on a night train. Early in the morning, an opportunistic thief chopped off the NRI’s wrist. Instead of hollering in pain about his severed hand, the NRI was screaming, “I lost my Rolex, I lost my Rolex.”.

Logo Change!!!

Famous brands tend to be expensive. Rolex, Mercedes, Chanel bags, and others. Most customers can’t afford to buy the original brands. So, they resort to buying fakes or counterfeits. These counterfeits have many names; the first copy, almost like the original, was made in the USA (Ulaas Nagar Sindi Association). A list is given below:

Antacid gone Wrong or is it to make us buy Anacin!!

1) Replica: This term implies that the counterfeit product is a close copy or reproduction of the original, often to deceive consumers into believing they are purchasing the genuine item.

A (pear) of an Apple!!!

2) Knockoff: A knockoff is a product that imitates a popular or high-end item's design, appearance, or branding. Knockoffs are typically sold at lower prices than the original and may vary in quality.

Water for the Loo or water from the Loo?

3) Imitation: Imitation products closely resemble the original but are usually of lower quality and sold at a fraction of the price. They may feature similar branding and packaging to deceive consumers.

Cal vim (bar) Klain or Cal Vim Clean, I am confused!!

4) Fake: This straightforward term is often used to describe counterfeit products intentionally designed to mimic the appearance of the genuine item but are of inferior quality and lack the original's authenticity.

Quite a tid(y) title 

Colgate for the graphic Designers!!

5) First Copy: This term is commonly used in markets where counterfeit goods are prevalent to denote a product that is the first unauthorised copy of the original. It suggests that the product is a high-quality replica, often sold at a lower price than the genuine item.

Subday becomes Subnight!!! quite subdued. 

This is Indians with the surname Dave!!!

6) Class A/Copy A: These terms are frequently used in certain regions to describe counterfeit products that closely resemble the original but are not genuine. They may be marketed as high-quality replicas but are still illegal copies of the authentic product.

At night the signboard is turned and it becomes "Moon Bucks". And employees who work secretly on the side are called "Sunlighting"!!!

Fair my Love, Fair and lovely, Four love, difficult to identify the FAKE!!!

At the end of the day, all the above are counterfeits. While not necessarily a term used by counterfeiters themselves, "counterfeit" refers to products that are unauthorised copies or replicas of genuine products, often produced with the intent to deceive consumers and infringe upon trademarks and intellectual property rights.

Was it intentional or accidental?  - your guess is as good as mine

Goo-Girls, what next? Goo-Boys, Goo-Men and Goo-Women, sponsored by GOO!

In many cases, we, as customers, willingly buy products or services knowing that they are fake or counterfeit. This type of buying behaviour is called “willful counterfeiting,” and it satisfies esteem needs. The esteem needs are satisfied, but the consumer does want to pay a high price. While it is par for the course to buy counterfeit products in India, it is illegal in many countries and could lead to being arrested in France and Italy.

Wish the Chinese learn some English, nothing else to say!!!

A sony for Congress Party - Sonia"

But in many cases, counterfeiting is done to cheat the gullible customer, who does not know that the product is counterfeit. In many product categories, this can be harmful, unhealthy, and even hazardous. Some of the most counterfeited product categories include food, beverages, automobile parts, medicines, beauty products, and software.

Oh alright along with herpes, we do offer a Pizza free!

This is "Rid bull" - When an angry bull charges you - wave the Rid Bull at it!!

Almost a third of products in these categories are fake, which means revenue loss for the companies but a goldmine for counterfeiters. A staggering 1.7 trillion dollars is revenue loss due to counterfeit products throughout the world in 2015. It would have gone up by at least three times since then.

Come again - Hot Dog + MacDonald  = "HotDognalds"

Ray Beni - anyone??

Companies use various strategies to protect their brands and brand names from counterfeit and spurious competitors. Here are some common methods:

Puma for Upma lovers!!!

After eating that Upma straight to Coma!!!

1) Trademark Registration: Registering trademarks for brand names, logos, and other distinctive elements provides legal protection against unauthorised use. This allows companies to take legal action against counterfeiters.

KFC, KFG or KGF. Is it a rock, food joint or a Movie title

Seeing this, Steve Jobs must be saying "My foot!!"

2) Monitoring and Enforcement: Companies employ teams or use services to monitor the market for counterfeit products. When counterfeit or spurious competing brands are identified, legal action such as cease-and-desist letters, lawsuits, or working with law enforcement may be taken.

SFC, Sardar's Fried Chicken and this Sardar too is as genial as Colonel Sanders 

Polystation - is it for Poly students only!! Engineering students in BDU, Bahirdar, Ethiopia were called Poly Students!!! 

3) Packaging and Labelling: Implementing unique packaging designs, security features, and holograms can make it difficult for counterfeiters to replicate products. Specialised printing techniques, such as embossing or using unique materials, can also deter counterfeiters.

Katkot - Or is it "Cat caught" a KitKat for the cats!!!

See the Brazennees, Play Store, Google and Whatsapp Stores and no action!!

4) Effective Supply Chain Management: Ensuring the integrity of the supply chain helps prevent counterfeit products from entering circulation. This includes working closely with suppliers, conducting audits, and implementing track-and-trace systems.

This counterfeiter had a naughty idea - He was making fake Lays and he immediately called it Legs!! 

A bad (Mal) cigarette for the Boa (a snake)

5) Consumer Education: Educating consumers about how to identify genuine products and warning them about the risks of counterfeit goods can help build brand trust and loyalty. This may involve using authentication tools, such as QR codes or serial numbers, that allow consumers to verify product authenticity.

Pizza in the Hat, anyone!!

Pizza hit - you don't eat here - I will hit you!!!

6) Collaboration with Authorities: Companies often collaborate with customs agencies, law enforcement, and government agencies to intercept counterfeit products at borders and take legal action against counterfeiters.

A Like (r) of Nike - "I LIKE" - an honest counterfeiter!!!

Bored with an Orea have a "Borea" - will bore you to death

7) Online Brand Protection: With the rise of e-commerce, companies need to monitor online platforms and marketplaces for counterfeit products. Utilising automated monitoring tools and working with online platforms to remove counterfeit listings can help protect the brand's reputation.

How innovative for walking - Hike, a motorcycle Bike and what else??? 

Okay, okay so what!!

8) Litigation: In cases of severe infringement, companies may resort to litigation against counterfeiters to enforce their rights and seek damages for lost revenue and harm to their brand reputation.

A Nokia for the Gujjus - Ek Dhokla aur ek Nokla! 

If not for the Swoosh no one would have recognized this brand!! looks like Khainey!!

By employing a combination of these strategies, companies can reduce or try to reduce the risk of counterfeiting and protect their brands and brand names from spurious competition.

Delhi’s Vada Pav Girl and Kumari Aunty – where are we heading?

 

There was a time when journalism was a noble career and journalists worked for years without becoming famous. We have had very few known faces.

Smartphones made everyone a journalist, a video editor, a TV producer, an anchor, and the deliverer of News and importantly judgements. There is no course on Smartphone journalism, and it is like the Wild West – Anything goes. People simply shoot what they want and upload. There is no editing and everything is extremely raw.

The example of smartphone vultures feasting on businesses is a dime a dozen. The small businesses thrive on whatever publicity they can get and invite these vultures to take videos and reels of their businesses. After all, it is free publicity. The business owners have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Some small businesses may give paltry sums or a free meal, but most don’t.

Kumari Aunty a small street food vendor  gained prominence over the last two years in social media with her witty commentary and the way she serves her customers. No one knows about the taste, but the cost of a meal was very reasonable.

But things spiralled out of control and her place of business became a traffic hazard. GHMC moved in and seized her business. This led to a hue and cry and Chief Minister Revanth Reddy intervened and let her restart her business.

The flip side is Kumari Aunty has become a celebrity and many real and wannabe celebrities queue up at her stall. Kumari Aunty appeared  in a  TV show, Suma the well-known anchor spoofed her and Netflix wants to do a documentary.

There are also news items that people are coming over from neighbouring states and even from Bangladesh to savour the dishes made by Kumari Aunty. Is it worth it?? I am sure it is not, but this is the hype that social media creates.

The problem with untrained smartphone journalists is that they have minimal comprehension of the actual issues that the society is facing like corruption, the elections, women's safety, environmental pollution and water scarcity.

They see Kumari Aunty getting famous and hundreds take their mobile phone and raid her humble food joint. It is a great inconvenience to the customers, the traffic on that road and poor Kumari Aunty herself.

Has Kumari Aunty gained? I would say yes, and no. Gained publicity but made many enemies too. She now regrets her popularity and her latest videos show a very sober and restrained Kumari Aunty.

The recent hype created around Rameshwaram café in Hyderabad came up a cropper. Many felt that the taste was not the same as in Rameshwaram, Bangalore and that the prices were high. But the food vloggers made their money, and no one was wise that most of the reels were paid for. The social media posts  were as synthetic as plastic roses.

The other social media sensation is the Vada Pav girl from Delhi. Vada Pav, dubbed the Mac Pav of India is the humble, cheap, and fast-moving street food snack from Maharashtra. There the Vada Pav sells for 10 - 15 rupees.

Delhi’s Vada Pav girl realized that there was a gap in Delhi Street food. Delhi street food fare is mostly North Indian, with roti served with many side dishes. Otherwise, it is the traditional South Indian snack food, Idly, Dosa and Vada.

The Vada Pav girl cashed in. Her charming persona her story (came from a middle-class family) her struggles captivated the social media journalists.

So far so good. All the buzz and fame attracted more vultures and more customers who wanted to bask in reflected glory. Her videos where she is beseeching  the customers to come in two lines made it to the top of social media charts. Yesterday she got into a huge fight with a YouTuber which gave her a lot of negative publicity.

Just like any new celebrity she is not able to handle the fame and gets into frequent fights both with her customers and with the social media journalists. And the Vada Pav at her place cost a whopping Rs 50. But Indians being Indians they shove, push, and create bedlam at her street food joint.

They all want quick service, and the Vada Pav girl is not able to control the crowd. The beauty of street food is that the overheads are low, places are cramped and the owner himself/herself  handles everything themselves.

The minute it becomes a regular hotel the charm is gone. Ram ki Bandi has posh outlets in many places including one in KPHB. The KPHB “Ram Ki Bandi” has the spic and span look of any upmarket hotel but hardly has any crowd.

The charm of Ram ki Bandi is the bandi itself. Mithun’s (Mithun Chakravarthy is often called “Poor man’s Amitabh Bachchan) fan base is different from Amitabh Bachchan, If Mithun pretends to be Amitabh, he will lose his loyal clientele and will not attract  Amitabh’s fans. 

This social media circus must stop. Let us not like, share, and subscribe to these types of YouTube channels. Once they don’t get what they want this type of unsavoury social media reporting will cease. 

Jio Cinema - Premium Plans - Disruptive Pricing at its best

The eagerly awaited Jio Cinema Premium plan comes as a huge surprise. Most viewers expected it to be like an Amazon Prime plan at Rs 129/- or a Netflix plan at Rs 199/-. But Jio showed that it knows the Indian pulse. 

Jio Cinema went for the jugular. It wants to destroy the stranglehold of  Netflix, Amazon, and Disney Hotstar. Jio Cinema threw down the gauntlet down to the three majors. It came out with an invitation pricing strategy that takes our breath away. 

Jio Cinema's monthly plan starts at only Rs 29/- monthly. That is less than a rupee for the first month and then goes up to Rs 59/- less than 2 rupees per day. This offer is for a single connection but the steaming will be in 4K resolution. 

The cost after a month will be less than a dollar per month. this must be the lowest OTT charges/month for premium and in 4K resolution. This is exactly 1/4 of Netflix charges for a month in SD resolution. Netflix must be worried right now. There is now competition, big time!!!

Jio Cinema has another plan where the charge is Rs 89/- for the first month and from the second month it would be Rs 149/- for four connections. Great for the consumers. If Jio Cinema can shore up its content and deliver high quality at low prices there is no reason why it can't break the stranglehold that Amazon, Netflix, and Disney Star Star have on the OTT market. 

Telugu Translation Goof ups - Wolfa, Telugu Gibberish from Om Raut, Habi, Bli KCR and Chill Avvu

1.  Wolf Became Wolfa in  Telugu 

Nowadays it is trendy to release the same movie in different languages. But most producers don’t take enough care and make silly mistakes. Prabhu Deva acted in the movie “Wolf”. In Telugu, it was translated as “Wolfa”. Wolfa in Telugu means a useless fellow or a good-for-nothing person.

2. Adipurush’s does not care a hoot for the Telugu Language

What a sad state of affairs. Telugu film industry is known for making the best mythological movies which are still a great draw. Thus it is a pity to note that Om Raut takes Prabhas the Telugu superstar and makes him a caricature of a Ram. 

Rubbing salt into the wound, the tweet put out by the director himself has some gibberish touting to be the Telugu language.  It was written as

The above is not Telugu at all! The line should be శక్తివంతులం.. భక్తివంతులం. 

The Bollywood promotion designer team couldn’t read the Telugu lines, so they ignored the mistakes and posted it as it was.

The makers of the movies have spent nearly ₹500 crores to make the movie, but can’t they spend a few hundred rupees to get the Telugu lines properly written in their promotional material? No, they used  ‘google translate’.

3. Goof up at the World Telugu Conference:

One of the posters put up at the prestigious world Telugu conference held at Hyderabad in Dec 2017 had become a butt of jokes and anguished the lovers of the Telugu language.

The poster welcomes the Chief Minister of Telangana. In English, it would have been “The Hon’ble Chief Minister of Telangana”. There is no equivalent word for Hon’ble, and the word “Guaravaneeyulu” meaning respected is used. 

But the poster went one step ahead and asked, “Google to translate” and the result was ‘Habi, Bli’ (Google remembered Habibi Habibi the famous song of AR Rehman) which does not exist in the Telugu language. The pity was this was the poster put up at a conference that celebrates the rich legacy of the Telugu language.

The booklet distributed detailing the schedule of the conference has more  “gems”.

The word “Prasangalu” became “Pasangalu” (luckily it did not become Pessarattu or Punugulu. Google does not like these breakfast items!!). Cinematography became “Cine Autograph” and taking the cake “Telangana” became “telagana”.  

4. Sprite Telugu Ad

The Snap-on the left says Thand Rakho (meaning keep Cool). The right one says "Chill Avvu" which means hanging out or partying. The word on the right should have been Cool or శాంతగా ఉండు.

But common sense is not common. Chill sounds very much like Chali (cold). Maybe Challi was better than Chill. No Telugu person says Chill Avvu. They might say Chill but not Chill Avvu. Sounds very funny. No one talks like in the ad. They might say Scan, Joke vinandi, and Chill. !